Thursday, October 15, 2009

Here are the real Nobel Prize winners

You would think that the Nobel Prize has been given to Osama instead of Obama; such has been the ballyhoo and brouhaha generated over the act of edifying the first Black President of a country that historically treated blacks as slaves and chattel to be traded in the American version of Mandis. But then, surely Obama deserves it more than the now deceased former Prime Minister of Israel Menachem Begin who was once designated a “terrorist” by the British! And much more than another deceased soul (may his soul rest in peace) named Cordell Hull who – as American Secretary of State – refused exile to God knows how many Jews who wanted to escape from Nazi Germany. All of them subsequently died in concentration camps. But for whatever it is worth, here is the Business & Economy list of Nobel Prize nominations for next year across categories:

peace: This was a very, very close contest. In one corner stood two brothers who have completely redefined the concept of brotherly love. In the other corner stood a ‘brother’ who has completely redefined the very concept of ‘neighbourly’ love. In one corner stood Mukesh & Anil Ambani and in the other corner stood the Chief of Lashkar-e-Taiba Hafiz Saeed. Ultimately, it was clinched by Saeed for his actual demonstration of ‘peace’ and ‘love’ during 26/11

economic sciences: Yes, the prize is not for ‘economics’ but ‘economic sciences’ since virtually all economists across the world have been mesmerised by the delusion that the study of quirky human behaviour is an exact science. There were many contestants for this prized prize – most belonging to the political and corporate class who understand ‘money’ like no one else. After much deliberation, debate, wrangling and mud slinging, the nomination was conferred upon the honourable Sharad Pawar for taking economics even beyond the frontiers of science. How else can you explain an inflation rate of zero percent and less when the prices of sugar, oil and vegetables have soared by more than 100%?

literature: If you believe that great literature transcends wretched reality in a sublime manner that borders on fantasy, then this one is a no brainer. The unanimous verdict was The Draft Direct Tax Code that has been circulated for debate and discussion. This masterpiece contains a sparkling gem that says that the market value of the plum houses that bureaucrats occupy in VIP Delhi will be added to their taxable income. Now if that does not border on fantasy, I don’t know what will.

chemistry: This one too was a no contest and was given unhesitatingly to the Marxist Boss Prakash Karat. The comrade will win the Nobel Prize for discovering a new DNA molecule that can be found only in unreconstructed Marxists. The molecule is famous for letting comrades acquire opaque blinkers when reality stares them in the face. And this molecule cannot be cloned.

physics: Absolutely no doubts about this one. It goes to the venerable Loh Purush L. K. Advani for gifting the Fourth Law of Motion – apart from the three gift ed centuries ago by Newton – to the world. This Law states that every action must invite swift and savage reaction in the form of expulsion; particularly if the agent is Jaswant Singh.

medicine: We nominate Raj Thackeray for this award, for his discovery that migrants really need ‘strong medicine’.


1 comment:

  1. YOur Medicine comment reminds me, that where is India? Only in the hearts of the Central Government servants, for the time that they get paid.

    After that India is surely retaining its regional and cultural identity.

    That's also positive in a way.

    Then there is a small population of love marriages and inter caste marriages.

    So India is really a very small country with hardly a 100 million population.